Another Year Gone By

Summer is here. As I said in my last post, the prospects of this year’s 3 month break are looking pretty great, but as the closing of this school year sinks in, I can’t help but to reflect back upon it. As always, there were good times and bad. One thing I can definitely say is that I learned this year, as one would hope to accomplish attending school.

In Non-Fiction Writing, I learned a lot about a variety of things and most importantly, I grew as a writer. At first, I was a little dismayed to learn that we were going to focus our studies solely on the personal essay. I had never been particularly fond of the personal essay. Sure, some were interesting to read, but a good deal more of them were not. In the prose of most personal essays, I found notes of self-importance and annoying justifications for one’s own actions that bothered me. I had convinced myself that the weak points of a bad personal essay were a fault of the genre of writing itself, and that these traits would be present in almost every personal essay. Non-Fiction Writing allowed me to explore actually good personal essays. These I liked. Some had a very personal, very real voice. Most of all, this voice was frank. I feel that in order to have a real, good essay, the writer shouldn’t be so concerned with whether they come off as totally likeable or righteous, compromising the truth and importance of their words. A personal essay should be an insight into a person, and that requires the writer to truly show the reader who they are, not who they want to be or who they think they should be. This class really allowed me to explore and find essays that could truly be called personal essays, and I am thankful for that.

As it was a writing class, I wrote a lot. I came in thinking, “Okay, I’ll write a couple of essays as usual. I’ll crank them out for the grade, but I doubt I’ll get anything out of writing them.” Not true. At first, I was quite uncomfortable writing personal essays and blog posts due to my fear that everything in the genre sounded pompous and narcissistic. Thus, it took a while to truly open up and enjoy writing in the class. While I am still not entirely comfortable writing almost entirely about myself, I’m getting there, and I think I’ve become much better at it. Being forced to reflect on my life in essays has allowed me to better grasp who I am. I have put into words what were once abstract thoughts. I have been given the opportunity to truly explore how I think and feel, which has been truly eye-opening.

My time in Non-Fiction Writing has been truly great. I feel that it is one of the few classes that I have taken that has truly allowed me to grow as a person. On top of that, I was given the opportunity to explore myself with little structure, allowing me to write and think about what is important to me. I would like to thank Ms. Majerus and all of my peers for making Non-Fiction Writing an incredibly memorable and magnificent class.

Summer

School’s ending! The end is finally in sight! It’s been a long year. Not to say it hasn’t been enjoyable, but thank god it’s almost summer. The weather is finally starting to move away from the frigid hell that is winter. The days are getting longer. Finally!

Even though we are on the cusp of summer, things are not letting up. It seems like every teacher is trying to pile as much homework on us as possible. The threat of finals is becoming omnipresent. The best part though, is productivity is going down the drain. I can’t work diligently for more than 5 minutes without my body telling me to drift outside and enjoy summer. I find myself napping in the sun more than sitting at my cold desk, writing in the lowlight environment of my basement.

Another thing the end of the year brings is the end of track. As I look forward to summer, I look forward to cross country. I can’t help but to think about how great it is training with the team next year. There is one problem though: it’s still track season. As summer draws ever closer, track gets more frustrating in a lot of ways. Early in the season, there’s not a massive amount of pressure to perform; a lot of the meets we go to for the first few months are small and not very competitive. At this point, we are drawing ever closer to state series, which is a frightening ordeal. This is crunch time. People are trying to qualify for the Honor Roll meet and cut their times enough to hopefully secure a state spot. Also, it’s almost too hot at this point. The weather is great for a leisurely stroll, but a workout or even an easy run in 90-degree weather can take a lot out of you. Also, the season has been going strong for 3 months, which is a long time. It’s pretty easy to get burnt out on running at this point.

As this academic year draws to a close, everyone is getting pumped for summer. It is so hard to stay focused on school-related activities as we can begin to taste the freedom that will be ours in days. However, school isn’t over yet and neither is track. As I said earlier, it is crunch time. We have to stay focused during these last weeks. Now is the time to get all of this stuff that has been piling up accomplished. Summer is the reward for all the hard work we’ve been putting in over all of these long months, and the work is not yet done.

Meets

Meets. Some people love them, and some people hate them. I remember back in the day, when I was a freshman, I didn’t really know what to think about them. Honestly, I still don’t.

There are definitely some less than enjoyable parts to meets. The whole “spending hours of free time to feel bad” part isn’t a lot of fun. Track meets can ruin your entire day. There have been times where I’ve woken up miserable just knowing I’d have to compete in like eight hours. Not to mention what happens after getting home from meets. They key me up. I get so hyper after racing. That does not mix well with work and sleep. I cannot get anything done after a meet, and I can’t even fathom sleeping, which obviously screws me over for the next day. Meets also involve something that a lot of people, including me, like to shy away from: trying. Putting a lot of effort into things is usually a pretty big hassle. Running hard and fast is definitely a hassle. I don’t know about you, but after a long day of school, I tend to avoid anything that takes energy, as school totally saps me of any motivation. It is really easy to feel apathetic and just not want to be at long, annoying meets.

Even though meets can be a pain in the ass, they do have a lot going for them too. First of all, running well feels good. I mean, it hurts, but the rush of endorphins and adrenaline after a good race makes you feel great. It’s called a “runner’s high” for a reason. There is also something to be said for competition. Improving and going head to head with others just feels good, as almost anyone can attest. For me though, one of my favorite parts of meets is the people. You get to spend time with your team, joking around and having fun, but also working hard with one another. Some of the best times I’ve had with the team have been on the infield before a race. And then there’s the people on other teams. I actually look forward to some meets because I’ll see friends who I really only see because of track. There is a strong sense of camaraderie between runners. Warming up before your race and standing on the starting line, you just meet people. You have an instant connection: you are both runners. I’ve made a lot of good friends just by going to meets, and now they are one of the main reasons I get through them with my sanity. It’s really nice racing with guys you know and respect. It really takes the edge off.

Even though I like to complain about meets a lot, I really do enjoy them. They may be long, and they may be a hassle, but I am truly glad that they exist. Losing a night of sitting around doing homework is a more than reasonable trade to do what you love and be around friends.

Outdoor

Finally. It’s outdoor season. No more morning practices (for the most part). No more Armory (for the majority of the week). It sucks that we now have morning practices on Mondays, but whatever. It’s outdoor season!

Outdoor season is great. Indoor is just an annoying precursor to what track is really about. After months of choking on dry air and waking up at 5:00, we get to move outside. I guess outdoor season’s superiority can be summed up by one word: comfort. It’s finally safe to start venturing outside again. It’s warming up, and the sun can be spotted for more than just a couple of minutes at a time. And during this transition from winter to summer, the town is at its prettiest. And the weather is at its best.

Yesterday we ran to the course. It’s been so long since we set foot on the hill at Orchard Downs. As we ran through the Arboretum by Japan House, I was overcome by a massive sense of nostalgia. Some of my fondest running memories were forged there. I was actually happy to be running for the first time in months. The two things I really love about running are the friends and the sights. Being able to see the town in a state of bloom is the best cure for the unavoidable winter funk. Running laps in the Armory really does not instill a sense of wonderment in me.

It might just be the fact that Vitamin D is once again starting to course through my veins but I’m finally pumped to be running again. Aside from the nice weather, the work is so much more rewarding. Doing workouts early in the morning does not feel very beneficial; it feels like you’re trying to punish your body. Workouts on the course actually feel good. You really feel like you are accomplishing something. Competition is also a lot nicer during the outdoor season. Indoor meets consist of being stuck in cramped buildings with way too many people. There’s nowhere to go, and you’re constantly breathing in disgusting, dry air. There is also an annoying monotony to running on a 200 meter track. None of it feels natural. On the other hand, outdoor tracks are great. You can feel the wind as you run, and you are surrounded by sights. You don’t feel caged in.

All in all, I’m so glad outdoor season is starting. Our first outdoor meet is today, and hopefully it’ll be enjoyable. It’s nice to finally be back outside, enjoying the weather.

Routines

Routines: everyone has them. And for the most part, I think they’re helpful, or we at least think they are. I know that I like to do things accordingly to plan; it makes me feel comfortable and confident. This extends to my running. If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you know that I struggle with my nerves a lot. One of the ways I feel more confident is through following these routines that I’ve had for years now. I might sound more than a little OCD, but I know that everyone does this. We all have these little rituals we tend to do, seemingly out of superstition.

A lot of my running routines have to do with racing. I always eat pasta the night before a race. This goes back to when I was convinced that I was “carbo-loading.” I thought that filling myself with carbs would actually help me race well and feel good during races. I have since realized that this is a total misconception, but I still end up eating spaghetti before every race. I think it’s some sort of placebo effect, which can be said of almost everything I do to prepare for a run or race. There is no proof that these rituals are effective or helpful, but they make me feel comfortable and good, so I do them anyways.

This habit of following routines can also be detrimental. There have been numerous occasions where I get thrown off and don’t get to take my time and prepare. This usually causes me to freak out. For example, at track meets, I like to get my spikes on and warm up 30 minutes before my races (which most people see as incredibly early). If I realize that my race is only a couple minutes away, I flip and worry that something tragic will happen because I didn’t do some side slides or leg swings. I panic and during the race I convince myself that I’m feeling bad and that it is due to not completing my warm up. As I said in my previous post, I rely on listening to music before races to get me in the right mindset. I try to get a loud, fast song stuck in my head to race to. If I don’t have a song coursing through my head on the start line, I also get spooked.

I feel that routines like mine are more of a crutch than anything. They help me to feel better and get focused, but they can also mess me up. I wish I could just step on the track and run with confidence, but there’s always nervous energy trying to break loose. While I don’t like my reliance on rituals, I feel that they are the only way to keep my nervousness in check. A habitual routine allows us a sense of comfort and calm, and I feel that as long as we don’t become too reliant on them, they are truly beneficial.

Music

The lights are on. There are people everywhere. Everyone’s on the line, striding out, ready to race. The gun fires. The race begins. At this point, it all seems so simple. It’s just a bunch of guys running, but everyone knows that it takes a lot to get to this point: it takes training, dedication, and hard work. Because of the pressure of these races, I freak out. At that moment when I’m about to race, I am in a deadlocked battled with my nerves.

I’ve always been nervous before races. It’s a sure thing that I’ll be anxiously pacing before my race, trying to calm myself. One thing that really helps me get the better of my worries is music. Listening to music before a race allows me to turn some of my nervous energy into beneficial excitement; music pumps me up. The day of a race, I’ll wake up to my current race playlist and listen to it up until the point where I check in for my race. My race playlist is my baby. It’s constantly updated and consists of usually around 200 songs. It has everything: rap, rock, dubstep, everything.

My race playlist isn’t just for bragging rights; it really helps me out. It calms me down, it pumps me up. All of the songs in it are catchy as hell. I always have a song stuck in my head, especially when I run. One of the main functions of my race playlist is to get some fast, intense song stuck in my head for my race. When I run, the song stuck in my head cycles through, over and over. It becomes a cadence. I use it as a mantra to calm myself down and to keep me focused on the race. For this reason, I don’t want some slow, calm song coursing through my brain. I ran with Mrs. Robinson stuck in my head once, and I never want to experience a painful situation like that again.

Music really is a magical thing. It has the power to evoke all kinds of emotions in us; it can make us happy or sad, tense or relaxed. It can help us run a race or get to sleep. Music really is a wondrous thing.

Below is a playlist of 20 songs that are currently in my race playlist.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Is it bad that I’m sort of glad that it’s almost impossible to run outside right now? I mean, I love running, as you know. But running outside in the winter is a different matter. For the most part, winter runs consist of freezing your ass off. Going eight miles in what feels like subzero conditions is not at the top of most people’s to-do lists. It sucks being uncomfortable for an hour, no matter what you’re doing, praying to god you don’t get frostbite while sliding along the street included.

Running with a group of people in this weather isn’t bad; you can have a conversation and take your mind off the fact that it feels like you’re in Antarctica. Running by yourself, on your own time, however, is a different matter. Do you know how hard it is to leave your cozy, warm house to force yourself to trudge through the next ice age? I do, and it sucks. My body tells me that if it’s cold enough to freeze to death, I shouldn’t go outside.

Maybe the worst part of winter runs is that they can actually be enjoyable, and yes, I realize I make no sense. If it has just snowed, night runs are simply majestic. All the parks in town look beautiful, and there’s a certain tranquility to feeling like the only person around, seeing an unknown wonder. That is, until you realize you can’t feel any of your appendages and you’re half an hour’s jog away from the couch. You always remember how majestic winter can be, but you still can’t bring yourself to run in it.

There’s such a feeling of guilt that comes with really not wanting to run. My years on track and cross country have instilled in me a personal duty to keep in shape. Not running feels like a betrayal to this bizarre duty. But look at how much snow there is outside, and it could start hailing again, so I guess it would be irresponsible for me to go on a run right now. I guess I’ll just have to stay inside and be warm.

So This is the New Year

Ugh, this is the week; track is starting. There are so many mixed emotions brought out by the thought of running track again. The first things racing through my head were disgustingly negative. I don’t want to wake up at like 5 and work. I don’t want to lose sleep, feel bad, or choke on the dry air of the UI Armory. I don’t want to have to spend my valuable free time running around in circles, seeing how everyone is in such great shape while I can barely breathe.

Although the thought of beginning another season brings about a lot of pessimism, there is not a doubt in my mind that I want to run. Whenever my lack of enthusiasm reaches a new peak, I remember all the great things about track.

I really feel like I’ve grown up on the Uni running teams, starting out as a small, silent freshman. I remember looking up to the upperclassmen on the team, wanting to be like them. And they were nice to me, they encouraged, they pushed me to my limits, and they made sure I was working. Even though many people from the team I knew a couple of years ago have left, the distance team still has an incredible sense of camaraderie. Now there are a bunch of younger kids, good younger kids, who are the next generation of the team.

Track as a sport is fun to participate in. Unlike cross country, you get to actually watch your teammates perform, which might be one of the best parts of meets. To be honest, I also like track because I feel less pressure on myself to do well, don’t get me wrong, there is still a lot of pressure, but for the most part you run for yourself instead of a team in track. In cross country, your performance can make or break your team’s score, which can be incredibly daunting to consider before a race. In track, for individual events at least, you obviously have that desire to do well, but you don’t have the weight of the same fears resting on your shoulders. Because of this, track seems much more relaxed.

While getting out of bed at 5 and working doesn’t seem appetizing in the least, it really isn’t that big of a deal. It’ll make me faster, stronger, and happier. Like a lot of things in life, it will be fun and beneficial, all you have to do is get off your ass and go enjoy it.